All posts filed under: Speckle of Our Words

Heartbreak Chronicles

Chapter one my clearest memory happened last fall. I remember it like the ending of my favorite book, perfectly etched into my mind. word for word clear as the day it happened. it starts with you driving down my driveway. you tried getting out of your beat up mustang, but I beat you to the car. I knew you could tell I spent extra time getting ready. why did I spend extra time getting ready? all week it felt like my brain was a cassette player and I was obsessed with my new tape. it’d play on a loop for hours and hours. rewind, stop, play: we’re just friends.                   rewind, stop, play: we’re just friends.                                             rewind, stop, play: we’re just friends. my head knew it, I knew it, right? you let me pick the movie, you paid for my ticket. rewind, stop, play: we’re …

Love Letter to Myself

Dear Me, Pinch yourself, because life is a gift and everything is scary until it isn’t. Send your brain that daily reminder that everything is temporary. Highlight your pain. It’ll only last a bit until you forget what it felt like. Your brain is a revolving door. New ideas and pictures of life are constantly coming and going. This is because you’ve always had this strong urge to feel everything you possibly can. Every feeling you can grab onto, every idea you can think up, anything you can try with your own hands. Look at this like a blessing, not a limitation to only doing so much. Do as much as you can. Something will stick to your soul and never let go. I know all that stress you feel. I’m not sure if it will go away or only build as you age. You’re right, time is a stopwatch and you never know if you’re meant to run the marathon or sprint. Take this as an opportunity to fail. Fail at everything. Get dirt …

The Sun, the Moon, and all of the Galaxy’s Stars

He’s lost for words again, he starts batting his eyelashes twelve fucking times per second. How could I not have noticed that? His voice is a pitch too high too; when he tells a joke, he scratches his nose. His shoes never quite match the rest of the outfit. He’s a slow walker, a mouth breather, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I didn’t use to. He was the sun, the moon and all of the galaxy’s stars for me. Now he doesn’t even ignite a tealight’s worth of spark. How did we end up like this? I sit behind him in class. I stare at the back of his neck, cleanly shaven and splattered with these ridiculous beauty marks. Months ago, I’d trace my ice-cold fingers around them and I could practically see the goosebumps oozing out of his blotchy skin. He’d fold up his shoulder, trapping my hand in between and then he’d tag at it until I leaned forward and flashed him a smile, my lips almost touching his …

Missing You

I miss you. I miss what we were. I miss your face and how your eyes scrunched at the corners when you concentrated a little too hard. How your hair looked when you ran your hand through it for the thousandth time today just like your father. I miss how Saturday afternoon coffee could turn into three am pitchers of beer and blurry conversations we couldn’t remember in the morning. How we laughed in the back of your friend’s car when they picked us up from the bar and our words came out slurred but we tried to act sober. I miss you. I miss you like I miss home. Your arms became a couch I’d confide in after a long day. Your cologne lingered in my apartment for a week and on my clothes for a month. I still find cigarette butts around my place every once and a while and can’t help but remember all the times you woke me up at dawn just to watch the sunrise. You’d say ‘the world was …

Torn Apart

So much has happened since the last time I wrote. I didn’t put my thoughts down on paper for two months or so. Everything was all over the place… But now that I settled down into my new bedroom, my mind is more clear and I can clarify my thoughts a little more. One of them has been taking all the place in my daily daydreaming. I am so torn apart between two visions of life.  I just feel like there are two individuals, with different mentalities but the same dreams, taking place in my heart. The struggle of being a Gemini, maybe. That’s what my grandmother would say. The first person is fairy-like and quite shy. She stays in her bedroom all day long, doing all the things she loves the most. Drawing cute little things. Reading inspiring books, or rereading Jane Eyre. Writings short stories or her daily life in her journals. Composing a new song on the piano and trying to fit the melody with the lyrics. She isn’t really into socializing, and it’s …

An Open Letter to the Hopeless Romantics

To the hopeless romantics mixed up in ‘hook up’ culture, we’ll make it. Being someone who wants something serious in a generation full of one night stands and hook-up apps is tough. Catching feelings seems to be outdated and ‘no strings attached’ seems to be the thing to do. So what do you do when hooking up isn’t your style, but you can’t seem to find someone to take you seriously? Wait. That person is coming, and they’ll be worth it. We live in a generation where people are praised because they like your selfie on Instagram, on don’t take five hours to text you back. A person nice enough to hold a door open, or give you a compliment is seen as marriage material. While those are all great qualities, is that really what we’re settling for? Has our generation become so afraid of attachment and ‘real’ feelings and relationships that getting someone who gives you the time of day is seen as winning the lottery? Have we really lost what it means to …

Believe me, they aren’t ready

If they say they’re “not ready”, trust them. There may come a time when pursuing a lover, where you hear phrases like “I like you but I’m not ready” “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” They might even tell you, “I don’t deserve (you or your time)” Believe them. If someone tells you they aren’t ready to be with you. They aren’t. That’s not your fault, nor theirs. It’s them warning you. It’s them telling you several things: I am not going to put as much effort into this relationship as you I am incapable of loving you the way you need me to I am going to hurt you Believe them. I know it’s hard. I know they’re probably an amazing person. I know you think you might be different, Might even be the one to change their mind. You’re not. If someone tells you they aren’t ready, They aren’t going to give you what you need. It might be true that their feelings for you are pure, And you might really …