All posts filed under: Speckle of Our Words

The Inner Garden

I had to lose you to become myself again. It’s sad and I wish there would have been another way, but since humans are not supposed to change the past, I’m finally getting along with my life without you. I had to lose you, surround myself with a bunch of new friends and travel to Berlin all alone, to figure out that you breaking up with me – which by the way was the scariest and most terrifying thing ever – set me free to finally being myself again. I struggled for years with the dissatisfactions in my life. Unhappy with how things were, how things turned out and finally with me. I used to think of myself as a weak person. Being unable to be alone, unable to lay in bed with an empty space by my side and in need of someone planting and caring for the flowers growing inside my body. Growing inside my heart. Growing in my inner garden. But I sleep alone now, I sit on my balcony, looking at …

Missing You

I miss you. I miss what we were. I miss your face and how your eyes scrunched at the corners when you concentrated a little too hard. How your hair looked when you ran your hand through it for the thousandth time today just like your father. I miss how Saturday afternoon coffee could turn into three am pitchers of beer and blurry conversations we couldn’t remember in the morning. How we laughed in the back of your friend’s car when they picked us up from the bar and our words came out slurred but we tried to act sober. I miss you. I miss you like I miss home. Your arms became a couch I’d confide in after a long day. Your cologne lingered in my apartment for a week and on my clothes for a month. I still find cigarette butts around my place every once and a while and can’t help but remember all the times you woke me up at dawn just to watch the sunrise. You’d say ‘the world was …

Torn Apart

So much has happened since the last time I wrote. I didn’t put my thoughts down on paper for two months or so. Everything was all over the place… But now that I settled down into my new bedroom, my mind is more clear and I can clarify my thoughts a little more. One of them has been taking all the place in my daily daydreaming. I am so torn apart between two visions of life.  I just feel like there are two individuals, with different mentalities but the same dreams, taking place in my heart. The struggle of being a Gemini, maybe. That’s what my grandmother would say. The first person is fairy-like and quite shy. She stays in her bedroom all day long, doing all the things she loves the most. Drawing cute little things. Reading inspiring books, or rereading Jane Eyre. Writings short stories or her daily life in her journals. Composing a new song on the piano and trying to fit the melody with the lyrics. She isn’t really into socializing, and it’s …

An Open Letter to the Hopeless Romantics

To the hopeless romantics mixed up in ‘hook up’ culture, we’ll make it. Being someone who wants something serious in a generation full of one night stands and hook-up apps is tough. Catching feelings seems to be outdated and ‘no strings attached’ seems to be the thing to do. So what do you do when hooking up isn’t your style, but you can’t seem to find someone to take you seriously? Wait. That person is coming, and they’ll be worth it. We live in a generation where people are praised because they like your selfie on Instagram, on don’t take five hours to text you back. A person nice enough to hold a door open, or give you a compliment is seen as marriage material. While those are all great qualities, is that really what we’re settling for? Has our generation become so afraid of attachment and ‘real’ feelings and relationships that getting someone who gives you the time of day is seen as winning the lottery? Have we really lost what it means to …

Believe me, they aren’t ready

If they say they’re “not ready”, trust them. There may come a time when pursuing a lover, where you hear phrases like “I like you but I’m not ready” “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” They might even tell you, “I don’t deserve (you or your time)” Believe them. If someone tells you they aren’t ready to be with you. They aren’t. That’s not your fault, nor theirs. It’s them warning you. It’s them telling you several things: I am not going to put as much effort into this relationship as you I am incapable of loving you the way you need me to I am going to hurt you Believe them. I know it’s hard. I know they’re probably an amazing person. I know you think you might be different, Might even be the one to change their mind. You’re not. If someone tells you they aren’t ready, They aren’t going to give you what you need. It might be true that their feelings for you are pure, And you might really …

Change in Scenery

Listen: Knife Edge // Matt Corby. It is currently 11:10 pm on a Sunday night and the feeling of nostalgia has crawled upon me. My mind is foggy and I feel a wave of nothingness bringing me down. I have come up with a clear realization: I crave change.      I was planning on going to sleep and writing this article in the morning. However, my mind was going in a thousand different directions, I realized I had to let my thoughts run wild. It is very hard for me to write about this because it is something that usually resides inside the pages of my journal. Lately, I find myself out of my house 90% of the time. I wake up, take my city bus card, and find myself back home to my pillow past dusk. I have this need to always be doing something, be someplace else even if it is a small cafe. I wasn’t aware of this pattern until I tried taking a sip of my expired almond milk or when …

City Light

Listen to: 10am Gare Du Nord // Keaton Henson. Listen to the people when they tell you not to lick his wounds. He is not yours to care for and although you wish he wanted it to be you he loved in return, he did not choose you. It’s 10am and he left around 5 this morning for a train home and you’re halfway through thinking this is how it’s supposed to be. Ingénue, you are an enigma— there are understood desires of trying to be released from unrequited love, but you still stand on the edge of the platform, waiting for him. Words by Kelly Peacock // Photography by Grecia Villa. © 2016 Reef Magazine