Author: reefmagazine

Heartbreak Chronicles

Chapter one my clearest memory happened last fall. I remember it like the ending of my favorite book, perfectly etched into my mind. word for word clear as the day it happened. it starts with you driving down my driveway. you tried getting out of your beat up mustang, but I beat you to the car. I knew you could tell I spent extra time getting ready. why did I spend extra time getting ready? all week it felt like my brain was a cassette player and I was obsessed with my new tape. it’d play on a loop for hours and hours. rewind, stop, play: we’re just friends.                   rewind, stop, play: we’re just friends.                                             rewind, stop, play: we’re just friends. my head knew it, I knew it, right? you let me pick the movie, you paid for my ticket. rewind, stop, play: we’re …

Love Letter to Myself

Dear Me, Pinch yourself, because life is a gift and everything is scary until it isn’t. Send your brain that daily reminder that everything is temporary. Highlight your pain. It’ll only last a bit until you forget what it felt like. Your brain is a revolving door. New ideas and pictures of life are constantly coming and going. This is because you’ve always had this strong urge to feel everything you possibly can. Every feeling you can grab onto, every idea you can think up, anything you can try with your own hands. Look at this like a blessing, not a limitation to only doing so much. Do as much as you can. Something will stick to your soul and never let go. I know all that stress you feel. I’m not sure if it will go away or only build as you age. You’re right, time is a stopwatch and you never know if you’re meant to run the marathon or sprint. Take this as an opportunity to fail. Fail at everything. Get dirt …

The Sun, the Moon, and all of the Galaxy’s Stars

He’s lost for words again, he starts batting his eyelashes twelve fucking times per second. How could I not have noticed that? His voice is a pitch too high too; when he tells a joke, he scratches his nose. His shoes never quite match the rest of the outfit. He’s a slow walker, a mouth breather, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I didn’t use to. He was the sun, the moon and all of the galaxy’s stars for me. Now he doesn’t even ignite a tealight’s worth of spark. How did we end up like this? I sit behind him in class. I stare at the back of his neck, cleanly shaven and splattered with these ridiculous beauty marks. Months ago, I’d trace my ice-cold fingers around them and I could practically see the goosebumps oozing out of his blotchy skin. He’d fold up his shoulder, trapping my hand in between and then he’d tag at it until I leaned forward and flashed him a smile, my lips almost touching his …

Young Adulthood

Entering my final year of University, I can’t measure how much I’ve changed since I started my first. I’m a completely different person than who I was a year ago, and if given an introduction, the person I was three years ago wouldn’t even recognize me. In a short period of dramatic growth, I have exceeded my expectations in making strides towards becoming the woman my younger self always hoped to be, especially in an environment in which I originally predicted not much metamorphosis would occur. Up until now, the spirit of change has come as a lonely source of excitement amidst a world of boxed in decisions and set futures. As long as I can remember I have known I would attend University – but which one? What friends would I make? A comfortable level of adaptability and expression within a fixed path. But now, as the ambiguous abyss of our entire lives comes into view, the unknown has the potential to bring about more anxiety than excitement. I can feel the tensions rising …

19 Things I Learned the Year I Turned 19

Growing up, I’ve realized three important things about myself. One: I overthink everything I do, even the things I don’t do. I just overthink a lot. Two: I panic really easily, usually over the dumbest stuff. Three: I’m a fairly dramatic person. Everything in my head seems so grand, I don’t mean to overstate everything, it’s just how I believe it really is. These are all traits I’ve picked up on through the last eighteen years of my life. Traits that will probably stick with me until I’m old and gray and can’t remember these three traits anymore. I will keep growing and these traits will always be there. Time is inevitable. Change is inevitable. Growing is inevitable. That being said… I’m turning nineteen in a week. Let me rephrase that… I’M TURNING NINETEEN IN A WEEK. That’s a fairly massive thing to do. That’s entering your last year of teenagehood. That’s beginning your first year on your own. That’s half way to thirty-nine and neck pain and three kids running around your backyard. I’m not …

Confessions of a Chronic Daydreamer

My teachers used to tell me I would often be looking out the window, gazing into space, which made them question whether I was paying attention at all. The answer is most definitely not. That’s certainly the reason why I repeated first grade. Daydreaming has been in my nature from since I could remember. Was it my blonde hair? Or my Pisces moon? My hyper-activeness? I seemed to never be fully there, but “off in the clouds” as some may say. I’m still prone to zoning out often and then suddenly coming back to earth, realizing I don’t know what just happened in the last fifteen minutes. There are many positives to being a chronic daydreamer. For one, it helps spur creativity, which comes in random bursts whilst I’m soaring above the clouds. Secondly, it allows me to pretend I’ve already reached my dreams and I guess acts in a way similar to ‘creative visualization’, working in hand with the law of attraction (pretending that what I want, I already have). Thirdly, it’s actually a …

Bloom From Within

Meeting the love of your life is as spectacular as it sounds. The moment you meet you can feel the energy pulling the both of you closer. And as all of us know, energy never lies. I saw you and I knew that you are the person I have waited and prayed for in a long time. I saw our future in your eyes. And when we stopped looking at each other, I began seeing it in the Orchid standing by my window. After our first fight, you drove to my place and gave me, the most beautiful Orchid I have ever seen. After all, you always knew what I loved and I’m quite sure you’re one of the rare men who really understands what a woman needs. She bloomed for a very long time, but then suddenly she stopped. Her flowers fell down, her stem started to get brown, it was like every part of her was sick and tired. At this time of my life, I was too busy being negative, angry and …