Author: reefmagazine

Bad Moments

It is important to note that in your life you will have many high moments and many low moments. If you’ve been on earth long enough you’d know this, you’d also know when these moments occur is unknown. How long they last are unknown. Whether or not this is the good moment is unknown. And whether or not you know you are in the deepest and darkest well, the very bottom of the hole, is unknown. One thing that is known, however, is that you will get out. At least, so far, that’s always happened to me. I guess I could say right now I am in a bad moment. I am in a blip. Time seems to be passing, but whether or not I am making any changes to it is unknown to me. I am tied to a railroad track and the bells are clanging warning me a train is coming, but I don’t when and I don’t know how to move. How I got on this railroad track is once again unknown …

The Cup is Half-Full

It drizzles down the nozzle of an overused kettle. Boiling water. There are dry bits of dusty coffee-curds at the bottom of my cartoon tattooed mug. Dribble, gurgle, psssh…slurp! Voilà. Instant coffee. Disgusting and oh so effective. I have no time to study. No time at all. By that, I mean: my mid-term is in three hours and I’ve only just started learning what a derivative is. That means: pump the coffee into my blood system sister, I have no time to be human right now. Caffeine, sweet legal drug, make me into a robot. That used to be what I lived by, in college. Clearly, last minute study sessions and caffeine aren’t enough in University…I realize it now, I accept my failure…I know I have to review my methods now…I thought I knew how to do it, turns out I didn’t. Oh well, I guess you have to start somewhere…I  realize that just like making my very first cup of coffee, studying for my first university exams, is just not something you “get” intuitively. …

Take It All In

3 a.m. The alarm rings. You wake up but really, you haven’t been sleeping. The excitement kicks in. The butterflies in your stomach are uncontrollable and your smile appears at the mere sight of your neatly packed suitcase. Containing your excitement is not an option because you know that shortly, at 30 000 feet in the air, you will be on your way to a new destination. You and your neatly packed suitcase will be on your way to a new journey filled with moments you’ll cherish for the rest of your life.   It’s funny because as I started writing this article, I imagined my 8-year-old self overly excited to leave for Disney World. However, as the words started flowing on my page, I realized that my emotions in regards to going away have simply stayed the same. That feeling of looking forward to something is purely amazing no matter how old you are.    Last summer, I had the chance to go to Italy and let me tell you it was as beautiful …

Heartbreak Chronicles

Chapter one my clearest memory happened last fall. I remember it like the ending of my favorite book, perfectly etched into my mind. word for word clear as the day it happened. it starts with you driving down my driveway. you tried getting out of your beat up mustang, but I beat you to the car. I knew you could tell I spent extra time getting ready. why did I spend extra time getting ready? all week it felt like my brain was a cassette player and I was obsessed with my new tape. it’d play on a loop for hours and hours. rewind, stop, play: we’re just friends.                   rewind, stop, play: we’re just friends.                                             rewind, stop, play: we’re just friends. my head knew it, I knew it, right? you let me pick the movie, you paid for my ticket. rewind, stop, play: we’re …

Love Letter to Myself

Dear Me, Pinch yourself, because life is a gift and everything is scary until it isn’t. Send your brain that daily reminder that everything is temporary. Highlight your pain. It’ll only last a bit until you forget what it felt like. Your brain is a revolving door. New ideas and pictures of life are constantly coming and going. This is because you’ve always had this strong urge to feel everything you possibly can. Every feeling you can grab onto, every idea you can think up, anything you can try with your own hands. Look at this like a blessing, not a limitation to only doing so much. Do as much as you can. Something will stick to your soul and never let go. I know all that stress you feel. I’m not sure if it will go away or only build as you age. You’re right, time is a stopwatch and you never know if you’re meant to run the marathon or sprint. Take this as an opportunity to fail. Fail at everything. Get dirt …

The Sun, the Moon, and all of the Galaxy’s Stars

He’s lost for words again, he starts batting his eyelashes twelve fucking times per second. How could I not have noticed that? His voice is a pitch too high too; when he tells a joke, he scratches his nose. His shoes never quite match the rest of the outfit. He’s a slow walker, a mouth breather, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I didn’t use to. He was the sun, the moon and all of the galaxy’s stars for me. Now he doesn’t even ignite a tealight’s worth of spark. How did we end up like this? I sit behind him in class. I stare at the back of his neck, cleanly shaven and splattered with these ridiculous beauty marks. Months ago, I’d trace my ice-cold fingers around them and I could practically see the goosebumps oozing out of his blotchy skin. He’d fold up his shoulder, trapping my hand in between and then he’d tag at it until I leaned forward and flashed him a smile, my lips almost touching his …

Young Adulthood

Entering my final year of University, I can’t measure how much I’ve changed since I started my first. I’m a completely different person than who I was a year ago, and if given an introduction, the person I was three years ago wouldn’t even recognize me. In a short period of dramatic growth, I have exceeded my expectations in making strides towards becoming the woman my younger self always hoped to be, especially in an environment in which I originally predicted not much metamorphosis would occur. Up until now, the spirit of change has come as a lonely source of excitement amidst a world of boxed in decisions and set futures. As long as I can remember I have known I would attend University – but which one? What friends would I make? A comfortable level of adaptability and expression within a fixed path. But now, as the ambiguous abyss of our entire lives comes into view, the unknown has the potential to bring about more anxiety than excitement. I can feel the tensions rising …