Speckle of Our Words
Comments 8

Love Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

Pinch yourself, because life is a gift and everything is scary until it isn’t. Send your brain that daily reminder that everything is temporary. Highlight your pain. It’ll only last a bit until you forget what it felt like. Your brain is a revolving door. New ideas and pictures of life are constantly coming and going. This is because you’ve always had this strong urge to feel everything you possibly can. Every feeling you can grab onto, every idea you can think up, anything you can try with your own hands. Look at this like a blessing, not a limitation to only doing so much. Do as much as you can. Something will stick to your soul and never let go.

I know all that stress you feel. I’m not sure if it will go away or only build as you age. You’re right, time is a stopwatch and you never know if you’re meant to run the marathon or sprint. Take this as an opportunity to fail. Fail at everything. Get dirt on your knees and scrap your elbows. Clean yourself up and go again. Try until you win. Try until you make it. Try until you’re completely satisfied, which, heads up, is never.

Right now, your brain could explode based on the amount of feelings and thoughts you’ve packed into it. Thoughts run in circles desperate to roam free, outside your expanding mind. I understand everything feels trapped. It’s not. It’s building into something bigger and better. Patience is key. So are nights filled with tears and tissues. You may not like it, but they’ll help you tomorrow when all the pressure you’ve built into your head is released. Listen to Paul Simon, braid your hair, let the tears flow until you’re dried out.

You look at thoughts like sand between your fingers and desperately cling onto any idea you can mold and send into the universe. But every time you catch hold of an endless thought, it dissolves and sprinkles your bare feet. You’re left with ruins, and you don’t know how to pick them up and put them back together. Look down from that sandhill you stand on and watch over the sad beach, as the waves kiss the shore only to be pulled away. Take the pity day if you need it, but remember your thoughts are snow, not sand. Wait patiently for the storm. A thought will form so you can hold it in your hands and admire its beauty. Aim it towards your target and throw. Watch it melt into a bigger picture and renew itself again and again. Get used to the journey because it’s long and hard, but necessary. You’ll be tired, and worn, but refreshed and strong enough to try again. Everything will be worth it one day.

It’s hard being all bark and no bite. Hyping up ideas and visions, but when it’s time for the battle you forget how to cock your gun. Heat rushes to your skin as faces stare you down and you blank on why you try anyway. Life can seem easy enough when it’s already done. It’s just the journey that leaves you scarred and burned. Too weak to stand on your own ground, but finding the last drop of everything in you to do it anyway. This is a battle and you may feel forced to sit on the dead field and wait for the next to come, but you’re not. Good things take time and you don’t need to force yourself to sit with your failures. Get up and leave them in your background. Take only the knowledge you’ve learned that’ll build you into someone better.

Life feels like a colossal meteorite about to hit your home and leave everything you know left in ruins. Breathe. This may sound crazy, but life’s got too much to do to ruin your days. Treat it like a friend. Hold its hand. Cry on its shoulder. Friends are better than enemies anyway. I may be nineteen, but I’ve got a long list of life lessons I know for sure. This is one.

Love,

You.


Words by Danielle Gorman // Photography by  Ava Williams.

© 2017 Reef Magazine

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8 Comments

  1. adventuringirl says

    This is so beautiful and helpful, it made my day. I love the beginning paragraph about how “everything is scary until it isn’t” and the idea of your brain as a revolving door. So inspiring, as always. much love xx

    Liked by 2 people

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