Speckle of Our Words
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The Inner Garden

I had to lose you to become myself again.

It’s sad and I wish there would have been another way, but since humans are not supposed to change the past, I’m finally getting along with my life without you.

I had to lose you, surround myself with a bunch of new friends and travel to Berlin all alone, to figure out that you breaking up with me – which by the way was the scariest and most terrifying thing ever – set me free to finally being myself again.

I struggled for years with the dissatisfactions in my life.

Unhappy with how things were, how things turned out and finally with me.

I used to think of myself as a weak person. Being unable to be alone, unable to lay in bed with an empty space by my side and in need of someone planting and caring for the flowers growing inside my body.

Growing inside my heart.

Growing in my inner garden.

But I sleep alone now, I sit on my balcony, looking at the stars who shine for lost souls like me, in the comfort of myself. Now I know I’m one of those women, who are able to conquer the world by themselves.

Able to go through fire.

Able to self-love and never settle for less.

As we’re getting older we learn to rule the world.

We learn to bloom from within, without being in desperate need of someone else’s love and affection.

So to all the girls out there, who are dissatisfied with their lives, their relationship, themselves – or as I experienced, all of it at once – you’re not alone.

Look up to the sky and watch the stars as they shine for all of us.

The happy us,

the tired of being sick and tired us,

the fighting for ourselves us.

Watch them as they are telling you that it’s already changing.

It’s already getting better.

It’s already turning the way you want it to be.

“Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul. 

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.”


Words by Alexandra Huber  // Photography by Rochana Chalhoub.

© 2017 Reef Magazine

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