Advice
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After Unrequited Love: Self-Loving

Just wait for it—the moment when you know how important you are, despite those who do not care for you in return.

Unrequited love is a terrorizing feeling; nothing hurts the heart more than to know somebody you care about does not feel the same way towards you. You beg for attention, you try too hard and you love too much and they take it all for granted. You cannot help but second-guess yourself and your worth and whether or not your love is good enough. These toxic people make you wonder whether or not you could ever find a wholesome relationship. Let go of people who have control over your feelings and how you express them.

Wear your heart on your sleeve but do not let people take you for granted. Give parts of yourself to people who you believe are special, but know how to rid them when they let you down.

When you love somebody who does not love you in the way that you deserve, sometimes that’s okay. It gives you a chance to run. You can be free to be yourself and spread love to people who do care. You can find new people or find yourself in a new light.

Voices in your head might tell you to stick around, with hopes that somebody will change their mind and want to be with you. Ignore those inner demons and get rid of those people who do not reciprocate love. Distance yourself from your hopeless romantic side for a bit; love yourself enough to help yourself. Above all else, self-love is the strongest one there is.

Self-love can always make you feel good and can bring more good to you. It is important to take care of yourself, before anybody else. Respect yourself and let go of people who do not love you or do not help you grow. Distance yourself from negativity—it is one step towards closure. Do not let somebody else define your worth.

I have learned that there are moments in time where I feel as if I do not matter, but any ounce of self-love is more fulfilling than any sadness inside of me. I have taken my experiences with unrequited love and have allowed myself to grow from it. I have found who I am as a person, as a woman. I have found hobbies, created aspirations, inspired others and have found better people who are full of light.

I have learned the importance of writing down my thoughts. Writing poetry. Drawing a bath. Making a cup of tea. Petting a dog. Reading an old book. Reading a new book. Painting or drawing (even though I a can only doodle stick figures.) Singing and dancing along to favorite songs. Watching my favorite films. Riding my bike. Seeing my favorite band live. Taking photos. Traveling. Wearing my favorite shirt. Drinking water. Eating chocolate. Learning a new language. Meeting new people. Shopping. Sleeping. Skipping. Running.

I have learned how easy it could be to run from people who don’t know how to appreciate every bit of my being. I have understood how important I am and how important it is to care for myself in ways others could not.

Soon you will find somebody who will be loving and who makes your heart burst with joy; wait for that. Although I loved somebody who would never love me back, I knew that everything was okay and that it happened for a reason. I waited for so long to seek closure from the person who failed to love me. I found that only waiting does not help; wait for closure, but know that self-love makes the passing time easier.


Words by Kelly Peacock  // Photography by Grecia Villa.

© 2016 Reef Magazine

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