The vast majority of people live for being loved. We all at some point in our lives strive for acceptance and for love, it’s in our nature. We study people, try to mimic the behaviour of the ones who have the most friends and the most interesting love life. We watch films about young adults falling in love and wonder how it feels. We read books that tell you how to influence people and make them yours. But we forget that you can’t wait for the flowers to bloom if you haven’t got the seeds. In order to be loved, you have to learn how to love. And this is the part we’re so quick to skip. It’s true that no one has taught us how to love.
From the young age, we were shown affection from parents, siblings, aunts and uncles but they’ve never asked to love them in return. We did love them, of course. Maybe we weren’t good at showing it, or talking about it, but we’re sure they knew. However, when you grow up and start dreaming about your own family, about your wife or husband, about your own children, it gets tough. Then comes a time when you’re required to show that love and you could swear you’re full of it, but no one really wants it. So, you turn to yourself, you think there’s something wrong with you.
After all, you’re in your twenties and you’ve never been kissed, you haven’t held a hand of someone you love, you weren’t given the chance to show that love. So you convince yourself that no one can be that crazy to put up with you. You begin telling yourself that you’re not worthy of love, you’re that boring, that unattractive. The problem is, we become so focused on ourselves, on changing ourselves, we forget to look up. To stare at the vast, blue sky and to witness shooting stars. We become too busy to spot the blooming flower near the sidewalk or the elderly couple holding hands, sitting on the park bench. We forget that trees change their leaves colour day by day, yet we don’t bother to notice. We stopped caring about our surroundings. We stopped loving them, we stopped loving ourselves. We’re full of self-pity and self-doubt.
The one thing I can tell you is to stop this vicious cycle. You do not need a man or a woman to prove your worth. Go to the events alone, smile at people who ask you where’s your lover. Notice how the sky changes its colours, how silently leaves fall on the ground. Study that flower near the sidewalk instead of popular people. The flower doesn’t seek acceptance or love of other flowers. It doesn’t care who finds it beautiful and who doesn’t. It blooms because it knows it can’t be bothered by something so unimportant, so temporary as other’s opinions.
On top of it all, love yourself. Smile to yourself, encourage yourself. The moment you become happy with who you are, the moment you become content with your singleness, others can’t help but wish to explore you, to understand you. But never strive to be dependent on others. Love people and if they love you back celebrate that. If not, know that you’re more than that, you’re more than just someone’s lover.
© 2015 Reef Magazine