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Missing Someone: A Survival Guide

When you’re a child, society tells you that being in love is the best thing this crazy galaxy has to offer. Teachers tell you to be a great friend and to love those around you, your parents tell you to love your brother and sister or even your dog. Your  friends tell you to love this movie and make sure to fall in love with this band. But what happens when you lose that special person? The one who completed the puzzle pieces of your heart, put you back together and liked the finished product upon completion? How do you move on when the one soul that fueled your breath is now the one you wish could take them away?

Losing someone, whether it’s a best friend, lover or even a family member is one of the most arduous, painstaking feelings you are bound to experience. Parts of you, some which you didn’t know were present, begin to ache a fiery ache of remorse, bitterness, nostalgia. Nostalgia for the past, nostalgia for the moments, nostalgia for the feelings you experienced when you were with them.  Self experts will diagnose your sadness into five bullshitted stages of grief,  pick you apart and label each down into you feel so numb the supposed cycle of it all is what you’re expecting, not what you’re feeling. Let me tell you something: these cycles don’t exist. Or perhaps they do, in various shades, but no person on this planet can pinpoint every feeling you are going through, nor can they tell you what comes next.

The key of how to survive missing someone is to not get over them, not completely.  Don’t trash talk them to your best friends out of misplaced anger, don’t burn every single photo of them you have to offer.  Because there something to be said for going through all of that, there’s a beauty in seeing the light when all is dark.  At one point in time, this very person was exactly what you wanted.

The key to missing someone is accepting.

Don’t shove the feelings away into that dark crevice you keep all your hushed secrets. Don’t tell someone to screw off upon hearing their name.  Glaze a finger over the photographs, take a deep breath, and try to acknowledge the fact that feelings are real, perishable, but at one point, very real.

What everyone forgets to tell you is to love yourself. At the end of the day the only one guaranteed to stay is you; you can stretch it, burn it, and cut it, but your skin is your own.  Bloom where you are planted.

So live your life and realize that each person you meet has a role for you. Whether it be to change or to teach, every soul you encounter has a purpose.  Whether it’s a lesson or a blessing,  keep your chin up, soldier. Things get better and the right people will walk through that exit sign of your heart and stay.

 Words by Kyley Schultz // Photography by Ash Bishop.

© 2015 Reef Magazine


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