Advice
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Open Relationships

The phrase, open relationships, sounds like such an adult concept to me as I see it written here on the page, but today I want to discuss how to deal with dating other people, jealousy and the whole in between, wishy-washy, “What are the hell are we?” part of a relationship.

Disclaimer: Lord knows I am not claiming any sort of experience here, I am still struggling just as much as the rest of you, but I’m hoping you can learn from my failed experience. Also, I am going to use he and she pronouns because I am speaking from experience. However, this can pertain to any sort of relationships, whether it is with a girl or boy.

So let’s say you have started to hang out with this guy, maybe gone out once or twice, and you like him. Now let’s be real if you’re around the same age I am, most guys aren’t exactly looking to settle down after one date (or as I like to call them ‘hang out sessions’) the question then becomes where you go from there and how do you deal with the in-between limbo stage of ‘just hanging out’.

Now I will admit I am one of those people who obsesses over basically everything (see my article for help with that here). I would like to think I am becoming better with controlling my thoughts but it is not easy. When it comes to relationships and guys in general I am always over thinking everything. Am I texting him too much? Does he like this other girl better than me? I wonder how he really feels about me? You get the idea, it can be pretty annoying, but the best thing to do is to understand all these thoughts and learn how to deal with them.

If you are in an open relationship of sorts it is easy to get jealous; especially with social media one can always see what some else is doing, or whom they are hanging out with. Maybe the guy you like just posted a photo with your arch enemy, (ugh teenage drama * dramatic eye roll) causing a huge upset, and a big debate in your bestie’s group chat about whether they hooked up or not. Okay maybe I am exaggerating a bit, I’m sure you guys don’t do this (no shame if you do) but you get my point.

One of the biggest mistakes people of all ages make is thinking that when someone cheats on them or is seeing other people it is their own fault, that something is wrong with them; but often it is the other way around. Usually, it is the other person’s problems, they cannot commit or are not looking for a serious relationship at the moment. Now this could and may change later on but for the time being whatever the person can give you is what you get. Trying to change someone or their ways can make you lose them, rather try to accept them on their own terms, do not change who they are.

As I spoke about earlier if you know you are someone who tends to get jealous or worries too much try to eliminate the distractions. Don’t become that obsessive girl who stalks their Snapchat or Instagram (we’ve all been there). Take things slow, I know I sound like your mother here, but seriously, rushing things will only scare the guy away; take things slow and enjoy the time you have with someone, what’s the rush anyway? And if you’re thinking you just want him all to yourself and you don’t want any other girl to have him, well then you are already screwed.

 “A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP KEEPS THE DOORS AND WINDOWS OPEN. PLENTY OF AIR IS CIRCULATING AND NO ONE FEELS TRAPPED. RELATIONSHIPS THRIVE IN THIS ENVIRONMENT. KEEP YOUR DOORS AND WINDOWS OPEN. IF THIS PERSON IS MEANT TO BE IN YOUR LIFE, ALL THE OPEN DOORS AND WINDOWS IN THE WORLD WON’T MAKE THEM LEAVE.“

Accept someone on his or her own terms and allow things to go from there; realize that often jealousy stems from your own insecurities, try not to take it out on the poor guy. And if you are someone who already has that cool girl, free spirit, doesn’t care vibe down, please share your secret, we could use some advice over here.


Words by Hannah D. // Photography by Ash Bishop.

© 2015 Reef Magazine

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1 Comment

  1. I totally understand the obsessing part. Not to be creepy, but when you care about someone a lot you can’t help but get jealous. I am a very jealous person, but I don’t suffocate the other person bcz I hate it when they do it with me, but you can’t help but feel that pressure inside your heart when you are jealous. Now I am trying not to be too attached when I care, i’m getting there, slowly, but we’ll see..

    Like

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